Thursday, April 5, 2012

I Don't Need a Pointy Hat (but I Want One)

Because I'm basically living my life in reverse, I was only recently introduced to the custom of the wizard staff. Perhaps I am not so far behind the times as I tend to think; perhaps the wizard staff has only recently appeared in our culture. Perhaps I have encountered the wizard staff at precisely the time a thirty-one year old should, after it has been declared cliche by the cool kids and passed through the filter of age. I performed almost eight seconds of research on the internet about the origins of the wizard staff before I stopped caring. 

Obviously I'm not the first person who is living his life in reverse. First there was The Blah Blah Something Something of Benjamin Button, and then Time's Arrow, not to mention that stunning passage in Slaughterhouse Five in which time moves in reverse to undo the bombing of Dresden (I think it was Dresden--I performed about eight seconds of research on the internet about which particular city it was in Slaughterhouse Five that got unbombed before I stopped caring). All of these stories were infinitely more clever than whatever fiction it is I'm living. My story has more to do with adult-onset conditions that are normal for people to go through in their early teens.

Today, Wednesday, is my day off, and after my second lunch, when the hour changed and morning became afternoon, the clouds dispersed and the sun began to dry the rain, I thought it would be an excellent afternoon to make a wizard's staff. Here's a picture.

If you know more about wizard staffs than I, then you know what I've done wrong, unless you can't see any details in the photo because the quality is too awesome. Let's just say I found myself hanging upside-down from my pergola with my banjo in hand before three in the afternoon, because those are cans of Oskar Blues's Deviant Dale's. Extra points if you identified the nearly empty pot of Nutella (w/ spoon) also accidentally featured. 

You might want to know more about what I mean when I say my life is going in reverse. You probably don't but I'm not ready to stop this post just yet, so I'm going to explore this anyway. See, actually I'm kind of a fan of how things are working out. Now that I'm closing in upon middle age like Charlie Sheen upon an all-night taco drive-thru joint, I seem to be spending more time in the dirt, breaking stuff, drinking more beer, watching a lot of crap on Youtube, reading fewer books, listening to Red Fang, staying out late, going to shows, and not cleaning my room. At the time when a lot of people I know have taken on "sensible" jobs and are preparing for the future, I am taping beer cans together and going to the dentist every four years. Both you and I may regret this phase later, when I am asking you for money or a place to stay, but for now, I am enjoying things in a way that I haven't before, and I am satisfied. I'd love to hear your comments about this, but you'll have to type up because I can't read you over the music.

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